Figuring it Out
by kelliejo19
Summary: She told me she doesn't want kids anymore. She had changed her mind and nothing could change it back. She couldn't see how much that hurt me. *After Mockingjay*


His name is Dylan and his name is Sam. Sometimes it's not a boy but a girl whose name is Willow or Primrose. Sometimes she's sweet and likes to hunt like Katniss and other times she likes to frost the cupcakes with me at the bakery. Sometimes he'll have blue eyes and sometimes he'll have Katniss' eyes. Sometimes I wish Katniss could see how happy a child would make me and her.

"Peeta?"

I snap out of my mind and see Joey wiping his floury hands on a rag. He's a little younger than I am, only twenty-five, and he's still got that bright-eyed look in his eyes like his holding a beautiful secret. "You alright?"

I nod. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"Well those cookies are burning."

I turn to look at the oven and I see a bit off smoke billowing above the oven. "Shit!" I say and I grab a mitten and pull the batch out. They're black, almost to the point of ash, and there is absolutely no way Joey or I can save them. I turn to Joey. "Damn it, Joey. Why didn't you pull them out?"

He taps his left ear. "Half deaf, remember?" Now I feel like horrible person. Joey is losing his hearing and he told me multiple times to put a light or something on the oven so he can know when to take out the batch. "Joey, I'm so-" he waves me off. "It's fine man. I get it." Joey smiles and then says, "You're just thinking about Katniss again."

I smile and hope the heat crawling up my neck cannot be seen. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Joey just shakes his head and goes back to mixing the dough for the replacement batch of cookies. A beat of silence passes between us and he says, "Are you guys still trying for a baby?"

I shake my head. "Not really anymore. She decided she doesn't want kids." A couple of weeks ago, Katniss went hunting and on the way back she stopped by her old house. When she was there she saw a couple of Prim's old things and broke down. Haymitch was on the way back from the Hob and he happened to hear her throwing things and crying inside the house. He went inside and saw Katniss' hands and legs bleeding from cuts of glass. He called me after he bandaged her wounds. Later on that night over tea she told me she doesn't want kids anymore. She had changed her mind and nothing could change it back. She couldn't see how much that hurt me.

Joey doesn't say any more, either not hearing my answer or choosing not to answer, and turns back to work.

As the sun lifts higher in the sky, customers start pouring in. Joey and I take turns dealing with customers and baking. One boy comes in and he tries to climb on top of the glass case to get a better view of the cookies and muffins we have. His mother yells at him and then apologizes for his behavior. I tell her its fine and without even realizing I'm doing it, I'm thinking about what me and Katniss' child would act like, look like, and talk. The boy asks for a double chocolate cookie and I'm so unfocused that it takes me three tries to get the case open.

After I wave the mother and the boy goodbye, Joey calls to me from back in the kitchen. I enter through the doors and I see Joey not baking but holding open the door to one other than Katniss. Her braid is messy, pieces of hair are falling out, and her eyes are rimmed red like she was crying and I can see her grey eyes shining with tears. "Katniss?" I ask softly and she presses a hand up to her mouth as she starts crying. I turn to Joey as if he could somehow supply answers to my confusion but he only takes off his apron and says, "I'll be up at the counter if you need me." He leaves and as soon as he's gone I move towards Katniss and embrace her. Her tiny hands grip my shirt and tries to stop crying. Even though it's been fifteen years since we were seventeen, I can sometimes see Katniss Everdeen, the girl who led a rebellion and the girl who lost her twelve year old sister and is still struggling to cope with it.

"Katniss?" I say again and she wipes her eyes. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes water again. She fights back the tears and her mouth opens to tell me but then she shakes her head. I can barely hear her when she says," I don't know how to tell you."

My heart freezes. This must be bad. I grab her arms and force her to look at me. "Are you sick? Did find another thing of Prim's?"

"This isn't about Prim," she says and her eyes lift to mine. She sighs. "I'm pregnant, Peeta." Her eyes water again.

The words don't seem real. All these years I waited for these three words and now she's saying them to me. I want to pick her up and laugh and yell to the entire world that I'm going to be a father. A father. After Katniss said she wanted to stop trying I didn't think it would happen but it did. My happiness dims when I turn to Katniss and see that she is crying. I wipe the tears off of her cheeks gently with my thumb. "Katniss, honey, what's wrong?"

She looks so sad when she says, "It's just...I'm afraid."

I can't help but smile at that. Katniss. Afraid. "Me too," I say, "But we'll figure it out. Together. Okay?"

She nods and I hug her again. I think about the baby that is growing inside her. It's so small and helpless now with its tiny hands and toes. I think of that same tiny hand curling around my finger someday and my heart swells for someone I haven't even met yet.

I kiss Katniss' forehead and say, my voice cracking with love," I love you so much."

She pulls me closer and whispers, "I love you too."

* * *

_Thanks for reading! _

_-Kellie_


End file.
